[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
“I’ll always be the girl saying she won’t karaoke, wishing she was the girl who could sing Barracuda”
Heart — Barracuda - 1977
(Source: xoxoislandgirl)
My name is Kelly Schomburg, I’m the girl with the red hair in these pictures. I was protesting at the Occupy Wall Street march yesterday when I and several other women were sprayed with mace and subsequently arrested. Many have already seen the video, which has been spreading like wildfire over twitter, Facebook, tumblr, and other video feeds, along with hundreds of other photos and videos. This is my recount of what happened.
"My blooper reel would be 30 years worth of clips where I’m getting caught not listening, while I’m nodding to pretend I am listening."
— (via kellyoxford) … replacing “30” with “23” makes this my autobiography
Sal, age 9, ranting about a Rihanna lyric
- Sal: Rihanna said, sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it? GROSS. SEX HAS A SMELL?? What could that even SMELL LIKE?? AND SHE LIKES IT? Too much. I don't want to think about that. I don't need to hear that or think about it. I'm just learning about PUBERTY AND BREAST BUDS NOW I do NOT need to know sex smells, Rihanna!
Dear Canadian Mother,
Yesterday I tweeted something like, “I wonder how many waiters serve a pregnant Victoria Beckham and think to themselves ‘Eating for one are we?’”But I erased it because it was brought to my attention that Joan Rivers already said “Beckham is pregnant, guess she’s eating…
I have never been so proud to follow Kelly Oxford as I am today.
“Women can remain themselves and hold their parenting to a higher esteem.
Yes, I just said I’m a better mother than I am ‘my regular self’, I am proud of that.”
Why Henry (age 7) has taught me to perfect my poker face. This occurred 10 minutes after I put him to bed. He shows up at my door.
- Henry: (crying) I need to talk to you. I have to tell you something.
- Me: What??!
- Henry: You know today when I said I got in trouble for saying 'poop' at school?? I didn't say 'poop' I said something so much worse and I had to tell you now before I have parent teacher conferences one day and you find out then and get really mad (BLUBBER CRYING)
- Me: Okay, okay tell me what you said.
- Henry: I can't!!!! Can I write it down?
- Me: What if you whisper it in my ear, or I don't look at you, or you look at the puppy on the calendar or something while you say it?
- Henry: *cries*
- Me: Okay, write it down on the back page of your sketch book.
- Henry: But I can't write it down. It's so horrible. I'll get in trouble.
- Me: From who? I'm your Mom and I'm asking you to write it down, who's going to get mad at you from writing something down that your mother asked you to write down?
- Henry: Okay, I'll write it and then I'll run out of the room.
- Me: Fine.
- Henry: (from outside the room) Can you read it? Or is it too small.
- Me: I can read it.
- Henry: And?? *crying*
- Me: Did you tell your teacher 'kiss my ass'???
- Henry: Oh my God Mom! NO! I told ***** and I don't even know why I did it. *chokes on his spit*
- Me: You know you can't use words like that. If you have a problem with someone, talk to your teacher.
- Henry: Oh I knowwwwwww, I knowwwwwwwww.
- Me: I'll call your teacher and talk to her tomorrow. Look, how many times have you sworn at school?
- Henry: *cries harder, snot down his face, defeated* Twice!
- Me: And how many times have you been caught?
- Henry: Twice! I'm so sorry!!!
- Me: So maybe it's not the greatest idea to swear.
- Henry: I knooooooowwwwww. I'm so sorry.
- Kelly: Henry, in the first grade you got in trouble for saying the "F" word. That was crazy. 'Kiss My Ass' is several steps down from that. So you aren't cured of your swear problem, but if the 'F' word is a 10 out of 10, 'Kiss My Ass' is like, a 3. So you still screwed up big time, but not as bad as the first grade.
- Henry: *throws arms up in the air* I just need a vacation or something.
- Liz Lemon: I don't believe you, the liberal media would have told me about this.
- Jack Donahey: There's no such thing, The New York Times is owned by NYT Incorporated which is owned by Altheon Ballistic Dynamics which is owned by the Murdoch family who are owned by Haliburton.
